The Ecology of the Self in these High Holy Days

Reflections on the High Holy Days, and how they guide us towards our highest Self

The writings in this post were written during the “Days of Awe”, a 10 day period between the High Holidays, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur—between the start of the year, and the day of atonement. In these Holy Days, we are asked to reflect and repent, return and rebalance, in order that we may start this next year with our best foot forward. I hope you enjoy.

I was stirred into introspection during Rosh Hashanah services as my Rabbi read a poem as a preface for the Unetaneh Tokef prayer. Unetaneh Tokef, a sacred poem we only say during the High Holy Days, aims to rouse us, through a divine call, to seek out and strive toward our highest self.

“Who am I?” I reflected. “Who is it that I aspire to be? And who have I fooled myself into thinking that I am?” These are the central questions of Rosh Hashanah. And on Rosh Hashanah, these were the questions on which I dwelled. 

There is profound tension within my conception of my self. At once, I am a deeply skeptical person, yet I also believe strongly that everything is connected — that every life is sacred. Yet I don’t really believe in G-d. At least not in the sense that most of the “religious” people I know do. And I don’t feel that tradition can provide us a path to genuine truth. But also, I feel deeply Jewish. My connection to my ancestors, to the expansive source of our existence, to the extensive web of relations, and the unending Spirit is unwavering. This tension — between myself as a rational atheist and as an intuitive mystic, between myself as a community ecologist and as a community-attuned artist — this tension cuts to the core of who I am. 

Beyond my ecological contexts, and the social roles I have incorporated into my self-image — as a scientist, a philosopher, a writer, a poet, a lover, a friend, and so much more — I cannot comprehend myself without understanding my roots. Between a scientific outlook and a religious one, wrapping around heart, mind and soul, I can clearly see my Self. I find myself endlessly weaving between science and religion, body and spirit, forever bringing these two ways of knowing closer together, ceaselessly building a relationship to the whole that may yet never be entirely integrated. Between these two images, myself as an ecologist and myself as a Jew, I find my true self. I am not a single being; I am forever struggling with my Self. Seeking my past, present and future. My deepest, most universal love. Struggling with G-d: Yisrael.

Who am I? I am a human, with a history that connects me to my family and the world. I am an organism, rooted in a community. I am a collection of genes, cells, relationships, and understandings. I am someone who strives to understand life, both in its physical and more-than-physical dimensions. I recognize the limitations of science — this social process of technical understanding and progressive elimination — and I strive to incorporate other-than-scientific understandings into my scientifically-grounded perspective on the world. My life lies between the pillars we have historically called Judaism and ecology, science and religion. I am forever intertwined with the source of Creation, and forever concerned with the processes that brought us here. But more than anything, I am here. On the Earth, we all must find solace in one another, for we are all related, and our fates are inseparable.

This leads me to the key question of Yom Kippur. On the Day of Atonement, as we recall our errors and strive to make true the call of Rosh Hashanah — to return to our highest Self — we now ask ourselves: why am I here?

I am here to do good for the world: to build relationships with others, to integrate communities, to communicate with care and act upon the responsibilities we have to one another and to the Earth, to fulfill my obligations with love and discernment, and, as Rabbi Rami Shapiro puts it, to be “a blessing for all families of the Earth.”

I have struggled to understand the Unetaneh Tokef prayer. To find meaning in its somber words, fit for these momentous days. It’s been described as the central poem of the High Holy Days, capturing the meaning and purpose of this sacred time: between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, we work to repair all of our relations, with our neighbors and our community, with our environment, and with our Self. I have tried to bring this prayer into the modern day, translating the words for our modern times, while maintaining the same depth of feeling, complexity of structure, and fullness of meaning. I hope it inspires you to look inward, and find the love which drives you to be your highest Self.

Unetaneh Tokef

A Modern Translation

We give and take part in the holiness of this day. For it is magnificent and profound, and today Your Beauty, Your Truth is held high, Your presence reigns sovereign with your love.

As we know, You see us as we are, and remind us to strive towards all we are capable of, all that is good. You inscribe and seal our fate, you guide us towards our destiny. You see and remember all that was, is, and will be. You hold the Book of Life, and through you, all shall be read. Within it, each of us live.

And with our shofar you shall sing, you will see and understand us all. Today we shall be judged as all the heavens are judged, for today all the universe is stirred to reflect on what is and what was. We will seek and listen. Guide us to our highest self. As a poet writes their truth, You will see the Truth within us, and You will guide us towards our goodness, ensuring the fullness of our lives.

On Rosh Hashanah you see us, and on Yom Kippur You inscribe our destiny.
How many some will pass away? How many more will give birth?

But who of us in good time?
And who of us by tragic fate?

Who of us by flood?
And who of us by self-immolation?

Who by war?
And who by hate?

Who by Nature’s disregard?
And who by life’s endless churn?

Who by rage?
And who by law?

Who will have the space to find rest?
Who will have the space to wander?

And who shall find peace?
Who shall remain haunted?

From whom will we turn away?
Who shall we lift up?

But in our forgiveness and through our prayers,
Living in accordance with Your goodness and our conscience,
You will guide us toward a future of holiness.

For your blessings are as just and loving as your name. You are slow to condemn us, and quick to hear our repentance. You do not desire damnation, but to see us turn towards goodness, and live well until the days of our death For if we repent, you hear us True. For you are our Creator, and You understand our desires, for we are made in Your image.

We are born from dust, and to dust we shall return. We spend our lives fulfilling our needs, hidden from our true self, wandering lost.
Shattered like a broken mirror, crumbling like a drying meadow, withering like a wilted flower, and passing like a fleeting gaze, a shifting breeze. We live here for but a moment, like a wave on the ocean. But You will stay true, for all eternity.

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Thank you for joining me on the journey through Jewish Ecology. This blog aims to build a participatory dialogue in which important ideas at the intersection of Judaism and ecology can help us root ourselves in the World. This blog is not just for Jews; I aim for these articles to be accessible and impactful for anyone that is interested in building up an understanding of the role that spirituality, philosophy, and ethics play in bringing about a more peaceful, ecological, and sustainable future for all People and the World. If you can think of someone who might enjoy these articles, please consider sharing this blog!

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Sources:

Rabbi Rami Shapiro. Judaism without Tribalism. 2022.

Unetaneh Tokef translation based off Sefaria’s community translation. https://www.sefaria.org/Unetaneh_Tokef.1?lang=bi

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